Let me preface this with a warning; the following is disturbingly hilarious. Not recommended for the faint of heart or those with weak constitutions...lets move on, shall we?
Surfing the web on my lunch break today I came across some children's books that I cannot believe made it through the rough draft phase of development and past the stuffy 'family values' politics in publishing. I love how dementedly fabulous the imaginations are of today's authors. (Reference; 50 Shade's of Grey and the Hunger Games trilogies...masochistic dominating sadistical romantic love story and a world that relies on the children to represent their cities in a brutal fight to the death for entertainment) The following, in my opinion, take the cake.
In no particular order, we dive in.
#1. Pop-up Book of Phobias - by Gary Greenberg
Buy it here...
I believe they call it, "exposure therapy" and its intended to make you face your fears head on by slowly reintroducing those things into your life. This however seems like a more deliberate in-your-face approach. "Come on kids, we're going to read a bed time story..." BAM!
#2. Go the F**k to Sleep: The Perfect Bedtime Story For Tired Parents - by Adam Mansbach
Buy it here...
All parents can attest to the "JUST GO THE F*CK TO SLEEP" feeling after a long day at work and an exhausting evening trying to go through the routine of homework, dinner, baths, etc. You just...want...to....relax. But from the constant who, what, where, when, why interrogations and bickering over who's arm is longer or who is cheating at Go Fish, sometimes you cannot help but give into the frustration and spiral into despair.
I believe you can also get a delightful book-on-tape version read by Samuel L. Jackson.
Watch it ~~~> http://youtu.be/CseO1XRYs9I
#3. That's Not Your Mommy Anymore: A Zombie Tale Teaches Children A Valuable Lesson - by Matt Mogk
What does one say about this? With all the crazies turning their basements into underground bunkers and preparing for the coming of a Zombie Apocalypse, it does not surprise me that there would be a market for such a book.
Other notable Zombie mention...
#4. The Taking Tree - by Shrill Travesty
The Giving Tree was a wonderful story of a boy and his tree, the tree that gave and gave and gave to make sure the boy was happy. This seems to be more from the perspective of the tree....and she was kind of a bitch....
#5. Bedtime Stories For Children You Hate - by Antoinette Bergin
Offering stories like, “Your Upstairs Neighbor Kills People” and “Blood in the Sink” you are pretty much guaranteed to traumatize and/or screw up any child you deem worthy of a story or two from this little charmer.
In conclusion...has your son lost yet another lunch box at school? Maybe your daughter is throwing one too many fits about brushing her teeth....well, next time you are on a family outing to your local library, maybe look into one or two of these for your little ones...
...that'll teach 'em.
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